"When you are angry, don't let that anger make you sin and don't stay angry all day except when your husband's acting like a jerk or your dogs have pooped all over the house or you're having a bad day at work. Then stay angry as long as you want. It's all good." --Ephesians 4:26
Or this one:
"When you talk, don't say anything bad. Unless the person you're talking to is being completely unreasonable. If they are, then let them have it, because they're acting like an idiot." --Ephesians 4:29
Okay, so the parts in bold aren't actually there. But sometimes I wish they were, because it's SO FREAKING DIFFICULT to control what I say when I'm arguing with someone or things aren't going my way.
After a recent fight with my husband, I decided to bring my issue to The Man himself.
Since God is omnipresent, I'm sure he saw the egregiousness of my husband's actions. And since I conducted myself with such grace and respect*, obviously he would be on board with me bringing a righteous verbal smackdown to my husband.
Except that's not what he did. Instead, he told me that it doesn't matter what people do or say to you, the command to love is still the same.
"Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously." --Matthew 5:38-42 (msg)
Sometimes I feel like this is nearly impossible. When I'm fighting with someone, or when someone makes me angry, I try to stop and remember that it doesn't matter.
One of my favorite blogs to read, Stepcase Lifehack, had a post this week called How to Love the Unlovable. I love the tips they gave:
- Humanize.
Remember that everyone has similar struggles. Your unloveable probably has a family, a job, self-esteem issues, an illness or something else that makes them who they are. They are dealing with all that life has to offer just like you. Ask them about their life instead of focusing on their bad habit.
- Pity Story.
Make up a sad story to make the situation less stressful. For instance, if you feel road rage building up when the person in front of you forgets to use their signal, make up a story about how he just lost his job and can’t afford to replace his tail light. Slow down and let empathy replace anger.
- Stop trying to fix everything.
We are all different and while it would be great if everyone were as wonderful as you, that’s not going to happen. Lighten up and let it be.
- Celebrate imperfection.
We aren’t perfect. None of us. Not even you. It is your imperfections that make you unique. Your flaws are a part of who you are. Celebrate that in yourself and others.
- Laugh.
Sometimes all you can do is smile, nod and laugh inside.
- Be Kind.
You don’t have to agree to be kind.
Trying to act in kindness and love regardless of the actions of others is one of my biggest challenges, but it's also at the very core of my beliefs. Love God, Love Others, Serve the World. I can't do that if I'm busy being mad and yelling at everyone, now can I?
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* That's a lie.
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