It Doesn't Matter: A Mantra

The Bible is full of advice about your interactions with other people. Take this verse, for example:

"When you are angry, don't let that anger make you sin and don't stay angry all day except when your husband's acting like a jerk or your dogs have pooped all over the house or you're having a bad day at work. Then stay angry as long as you want. It's all good." --Ephesians 4:26

Or this one:

"When you talk, don't say anything bad. Unless the person you're talking to is being completely unreasonable. If they are, then let them have it, because they're acting like an idiot." --Ephesians 4:29

Okay, so the parts in bold aren't actually there. But sometimes I wish they were, because it's SO FREAKING DIFFICULT to control what I say when I'm arguing with someone or things aren't going my way.

After a recent fight with my husband, I decided to bring my issue to The Man himself.

Since God is omnipresent, I'm sure he saw the egregiousness of my husband's actions. And since I conducted myself with such grace and respect*, obviously he would be on board with me bringing a righteous verbal smackdown to my husband. 

Except that's not what he did. Instead, he told me that it doesn't matter what people do or say to you, the command to love is still the same.

"Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously." --Matthew 5:38-42 (msg)

Sometimes I feel like this is nearly impossible. When I'm fighting with someone, or when someone makes me angry, I try to stop and remember that it doesn't matter. 

One of my favorite blogs to read, Stepcase Lifehack, had a post this week called How to Love the Unlovable. I love the tips they gave:

• Humanize.
 Remember that everyone has similar struggles. Your unloveable probably has a family, a job, self-esteem issues, an illness or something else that makes them who they are. They are dealing with all that life has to offer just like you. Ask them about their life instead of focusing on their bad habit.

• Pity Story.
 Make up a sad story to make the situation less stressful. For instance, if you feel road rage building up when the person in front of you forgets to use their signal, make up a story about how he just lost his job and can’t afford to replace his tail light. Slow down and let empathy replace anger.

• Stop trying to fix everything.
 We are all different and while it would be great if everyone were as wonderful as you, that’s not going to happen. Lighten up and let it be.

• Celebrate imperfection.
 We aren’t perfect. None of us. Not even you. It is your imperfections that make you unique. Your flaws are a part of who you are. Celebrate that in yourself and others.

• Laugh.
 Sometimes all you can do is smile, nod and laugh inside.

• Be Kind.
 You don’t have to agree to be kind.

Trying to act in kindness and love regardless of the actions of others is one of my biggest challenges, but it's also at the very core of my beliefs. Love God, Love Others, Serve the World. I can't do that if I'm busy being mad and yelling at everyone, now can I?

* That's a lie.

When in Doubt, Turn Around; Don't Drown.

When left to my own devices, I overthink everything. If you could see the inside of my head, it would look like a washing machine on super spin cycle. Did I do the right things? Did I say the right things? What if I had moved left instead of moving right? What if I had said something else? Was that the right time to laugh? Was that even a joke?

This is the inside of my brain.

I start to think that everything in the world is a result of my actions. If something happens that isn't positive, it's because of something I did do, didn't do, or didn't do enough. 

Being responsible for the entire world is incredibly overwhelming. It's also very lonely. I start to feel like people only like me if I do and say everything exactly right. I feel like I have to trick people into liking me by being perfect, like they are.

And when I spend all of my time, effort, and brain power on making sure I do every single thing exactly right, because if I don't, I will have no friends and the world will go to hell in a handbasket, this is what happens:

But there's another way. Another choice.

I was listening to the radio yesterday when a flood warning from the National Weather Service came on. I wasn't listening to the warning--I was just wondering when it would be over when I heard that slightly off text-to-speech voice say, "When in doubt, don't drown; turn around."

What??

Don't drown; turn around. 

Romans 12:3 says this: Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him. (msg)


This is said in the Bible over and over. We don't have to be afraid of people finding out that we aren't perfect. We don't have to be afraid of not measuring up--not for God, and not for anyone else. We are loved just because we are, not because we're so awesome and we do everything right.


Then in verse 6-ish, it gets EVEN BETTER: "let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't." (msg)

Let's just all let out a collective breath--Phew! It's okay that I'm not perfect. It's okay that you're not perfect. It's not a mistake that we're flawed-- the flaws are there on purpose. If God isn't comparing you to someone else, why are you doing it? 

And guess what-- that person you're comparing yourself to? They have flaws too. Big ones. On purpose.


And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. --1 Corinthians 7:17 (msg)

Who In The World Are You?

"But when you proclaim his truth in everyday speech, you're letting others in on the truth so that they can grow and be strong and experience his presence with you." 
1 Corinthians 14:3 (msg)


A recent election in North Carolina has brought a lot of anti-Christian sentiment to my Facebook wall. What bothered me wasn't the fact that it was there; I always have and always will respect a person's right to his or her own opinion. The thing that bothered me the most was the fact that this terrible piece of bigotry is what people see of Christians.


I remember thinking, "I wish people could just see God the way I see him." None of this is from the Jesus I believe in. If I could just explain what I've been reading in the Bible, what it was really all about, there would probably be a lot less close-mindedness and anger.


And then God said, "Well, why don't you explain it to them?"


I argued with God for a while on that. (Yes, I argue with God. He made me. He knows I'm stubborn.) 

"But God, I don't talk to people... I get too nervous."

"That's not important. Do it."

"But God, I don't know enough about anything. What am I even supposed to say?"

"You'll figure it out. Do it."

"But God, what if I am completely and totally wrong about all of this? 

"Trust me. Do it."

"But God, no one is even going to look at this."

"Well good! You don't have anything to worry about then, do you? Do it."

"Fine."

So that's why I'm here: to explain things the way I see them. I might be wrong, I might be right--who knows? I'm just trying to stop being so stubborn and do what God tells me, for once.